Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
