wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
