bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
