tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Can Purell be used as lube?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
