I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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