i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
