Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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