yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
