I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
