The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They took my balls.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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