We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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