im about as happy as oj after his trial
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you never un-have a 4some
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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