Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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