So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
