can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This is not my ceiling
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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