I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
