I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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