So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
