My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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