I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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