you didnt know i had herpes?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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