what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
