I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
