If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
