Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
