the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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