How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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