kristin has been a bad kristin
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
