i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Randomize
