oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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