When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize