i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
