well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize