A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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