He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
