I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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