I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
