I heard we made out
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
