I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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