We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
