the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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