Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
