Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
