Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
