my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
