did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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