paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
