So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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