You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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