I'm lost and stupid without you.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
