I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Send help, water and tortillas.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
