Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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