He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
