and you said cock pushups were impossible
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
