i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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