I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just cut my nipple shaving
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize