I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
