my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
His nipple licking is glorious
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