She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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