NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
