you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
