dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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