i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
