he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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