i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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